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Goddess of Chaos and Confusion

Cleaning out my e-mail inbox and found this from earlier
this year… he’s complaining about having to complete
ONE subscription form for AimDIRECT Entrepreneur Ezine.

From: “John (last name deleted)”
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2003 14:59:53 +0100
To: Editor
Subject: Millions of Forms to fill !!!

HOW MANY TIMES AM I EXPECTED TO FILL IN AN APPLICATION FORM? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE THINGS EASIER NOT MORE COMPLICATED.

John

I don’t know, John. I haven’t a single iota why you felt compelled
to complete my subscription form multiple times…

10 minutes later, he complains to my autoresponder address.

bookscouter-banner2

Background — Subscribers to my ezine receive access to my
marketing toolbox. The password is changed on a weekly basis,
so my subscribers share one password each week.

From: “John (last name deleted)”
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2003 15:10:03 +0100
To: Editor
Subject: Re: Welcome to AimDIRECT Ezine!

Why are you wasting my time ?

I entered the User Name and password, Each time they were rejected.

First you give me six different forms to fill in for the same thing now you give me passwords that are rejected.

I thought you were supposed to teach me something, So far I have learned that you know how to generate chaos and confusion !!

Please let me know when you get things right.

John

So, now I have six different forms.

Blame it on my creative marketer side… after extensive testing,
I’ve found that by making subscribing to my ezine as difficult and
frustrating as possible, I am able to intentionally drive away 98%
of prospective readers while the remaining 2% unsubscribe due to rejected
passwords.

That’s 100% conversion rate, baby. Beat that.

And 2 days later…

ebates-cashback

From: “John (last name deleted)”
Date: Fri, 25 Apr 2003 12:54:21 +0100
To: Editor
Subject: #######!!

Hi Again ,

A NEW Program called “#######” is about to be launched where:-

You can Earn $200/Month DOING NOTHING.
This is NOT MLM – Brand new.

This email is long, but if you read it all, you’ll feel SICK you’re so excited!

I didn’t read it, simply to avoid soiling myself from excitement. Congratulations on the $200 month. At $2,400 a year, I too would be furious at this chaotic, confusing world that is the Internet.

The Constipated Sales Copy
Bulletproof Buttocks


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